Who are the best captains in pop culture? I’m glad you asked.

12. Cap’n Crunch – The man, the myth, the lactose. Has the biggest set of crunch berries of anyone on the list.

11. Captain Caveman – Okay, this one’s more out of nostalgia, but he is first-gen, the primordial captain. How’s that for a BC OG? I mean seriously, who came up with a prehistorical mini-bigfoot that can fly?

10. Captain Marko Ramius – He was kind of confusing, a Russian submarine captain with a Scottish accent and a military grade hairpiece. But then again, Sean Connery could play E.T. and we’d accept it. I can hear his E.T. now, “Penis breath? Losers always whine about their penis breath…”

9. Captain Quint – As a kid, this unhinged cap frightened me more than the shark. As an adult, he terrifies the living cuss outta me. But, credit where it’s due, he’s the most compelling character in the movie.

8. Captain Philippa Georgiou – You take the good (version), you take the bad (version), you take either one and there you have a truly illustrious captain. I favor the “evil” variant myself, just cause she’s more realistic in today’s world.

7. Captain Jack Sparrow – Sounds like most people (and by people, I mean Ren faire cosplayers) are gearing up for a Johnny Deppaissance. This is his signature role and boy does he knock it outta the park.

6. Captain Carter – What started out as an interesting What If story quickly turned into a compelling character that I want to see more of. I dunno how, and I dunno when, but we need a Captain Carter solo movie.

5. Captain America – I will admit, I never liked Steve until Chris Evans. Before that, he was always Marvel’s answer to Superman, a moral compass character whose holier than thou attitude was annoying. To paraphrase, he was America’s ass. Then, the MCU came along and erased all that.

4. Captain Marvel – The MCU took a byzantine and marginalized character and effortlessly made her into a pillar of their pantheon of heroes. That, my friends, ain’t no easy task. And unlike the white superroid raged man at #5, she also had to overcome the straight-up misogyny of the internet.

3. Captain Kirk – Whether it’s Shatner or Pine, this captain is the original space cowboy. He was blazing a trail through the cosmos before most of the other characters were a spark in someone’s brain.

2. Captain Raymond Holt – How is the funniest character in Brooklyn Nine-Nine amongst all those talented comedians the straight man? Most of the credit must go to Andre Braugher’s brilliant, deadpan delivery. The only captain on this list most of us want to call dad.

1. Captain Han Solo – The ‘Cool Han Luke’ of a galaxy far, far away. He’s got it all; the fastest ship, the best co-pilot, and the ultimate girlfriend.