Top 12 remakes

Published by siroutlier_tt2i6p on

I know the word remake is a loaded one, but there have been plenty of good ones. And the people that complain about remakes are usually the ones always bringing the same old, tired potato salad to the barbecue.

12. The Hills Have Eyes (2006), a remake of The Hills Have Eyes (1977). Reason for existing: This is basically an upgrade of looks; the humans are prettier and the mutants are uglier. The original human cast probably would’ve play the mutants in this remake.

“All I said was Hocus Pocus is overrated.”

11. 3:10 to Yuma (2007), a remake of 3:10 to Yuma (1957). Reason for existing: A movie where Christian Bale faces off with a charismatic Russel Crowe, yes please. This one’s a tense and dusty ride through a more realistic old west.

“I don’t think Hocus Pocus is overrated.”

10. Dawn of the Dead (2004), a remake of Dawn of the Dead (1978). Reason for existing: Olympic sprinting zombies make this much scarier than the original. And don’t come at me with that’s not realistic… they’re freaking undead. The weakest part of Romero’s version was the bland protagonists, which this version unequivocally fixes.

So these zombies… sorry, “fans” were the one’s behind #ReleaseTheSnyderCut

9. Ocean’s Eleven (2001), a remake of Ocean’s 11 (1960). Reason for existing: Sure, the Rat pack was cool and all, but c’mon man! Clooney, Pitt, Roberts, Garcia, Mac, and Cheadle not only hold their own, but their chemistry was so strong it created new elements.

I’m guessing Julia Roberts is walking by.

8. The Birdcage (1996), a remake of La Cage aux Folles (1978). Reason for existing: The original is in French, so there’s that. Subtitles are too much like reading a book. Plus, you get Robin Williams at the height of his powers, which is well worth the price of admission.

“You do a shocked and painful expression! You do Culkin, Culkin, Culkin!”

7. The Texas Chainsaw Massacre (2003), a remake of The Texas Chainsaw Massacre (1974). Reason for existing: Sure, the original (recipe) is a groundbreaking classic, but there’s very little blood and gore and way too much visceral screaming. This remake surprised the world by actually being damn good and terrifying. This may be heresy, but R. Lee Ermey is way scarier than Leatherface.

Holy dog shit! Texas? Only steers and cannibals come from Texas, and you don’t look much like a steer to me, so that kinda narrows it down.

6. A Star Is Born (2018), a remake of A Star Is Born (1937). Reason for existing: Two words, Lady freakin’ Gaga. Her performance and music make this movie special. That’s why this is a cut above the other dozen remakes of the original.

Can’t read my, can’t read my, no you still can’t read my pp-p-poker face, p-p-poker face.

5. The Little Shop of Horrors (1986), a remake of The Little Shop of Horrors (1960). Reason for existing: I mean, obviously the Menken and Ashman soundtrack elevates this far above the original. Then, you have the amazing cast vs basically Jack Nicholson, which is close, but the remake wins that one as well.

Who’s got leaves and is more frightening than both R. Lee Ermey and Leatherface? This plant!

4. Dirty Rotten Scoundrels (1988), a remake of Bedtime Story (1964). Reason for existing: Steve Martin going mano a mano with Michael Caine, but really, it’s Steve Martin’s show. Also, this list can feel the force… of Frank Oz.

This scene alone is a comedy goldmine.

3. The Fly (1986), a remake of The Fly (1958). Reason for existing: Give Cronenberg enough money and freedom, plus Goldblum in his prime, and you get a classic film even better than its classic predecessor.

It’s not just a great movie, it’s a great way to lose weight. I can’t eat for a week after watching this.

2. The Departed (2006), a remake of Infernal Affairs (2002). Reason for existing: Can you say Oscars? Finally, Marty Scorsese got his Academy Award. Plus, this cast is basically an all-star dream team of actors.

“Alright, remind me again, which one of yous guys is Damon and which is DiCaprio?”
  1. The Thing (1982), a remake of Thing from Another World (1951). Reason for existing: Does being one of the greatest horror movies of all time count? This is a near perfect paranoid and claustrophobic flick, which gets better upon each viewing.
“Picking this movie as the best remake in an already horror heavy list is the right thing to do and a tasty way to do it.”