Top 12 best things about Autumn

Published by siroutlier_tt2i6p on

This maybe a scooch too soon, but make no mistake about it, Autumn is coming! So call it Fall, call it Autumn, or call it the season of harvest, it is the most glorious and thrilling time of the year. This top 12 celebrates everything wonderful about those magical and transformational end of the calendar months.

12. Bye bye heat – Hello crispy cool, aka sweater weather. Unless you live in Florida, where sweater weather is like 3 days at the back end of January. September comes in like a sweaty beast and goes out like a Pumpkin Spice Latte (and that’s what we call foreshadowing, boys and girls).

What is it with white people and camping?

11. Nature breaks out the Fall crayons – We all know how beautiful the Autumn leaves make the landscape. That is, until we have to rake and bag those dead little appendages. But, this is a tree’s time to shine!

You can’t get these kinda views in any other season, so F off summer.

10. Back to school – Those punk kids that are running around all hours of the summer, setting off firecrackers well past July 4th or loitering out at the local soda counter in the 5 and dime are finally off the streets. And there is peace… at least between the weekday hours of 8 A.M. to 2:30 P.M.

And don’t come back until after college… hell, make it grad school.

9. New episodes and new shows – I realize with streaming and all, this happens the whole year long, but my aging mind is still tied to the Fall TV schedule. This is where legends are born (the Office, Seinfeld, Lost), dreams are shattered (Manimal, Cop Rock, Baywatch), and those summer reruns are born.

Sometimes I really miss appointment television. Then, I realized I can still do that myself, but I lack the willpower.

8. New season, new clothes – Yeah sure, we buy garments for every season, but there’s just something special about Fall apparel. We don’t always need new pants, jackets, sweaters, scarves, and shoes… but it just ain’t Autumn without ’em. And do NOT get in our way during a Black Friday sale. #Consumerism

You can have your tank tops and bikinis… for me, more is mo’ better.

7. Here for the food and drinks – Autumn is truly a comfort foodie’s delight. I’ll save the pumpkin worshiping for later, so let’s just say one word here (followed by several others) … Thanksgiving! See folks, not everyone forgets about good ole Turkey Day. Can’t you just smell that roasting dark meat, stuffing, cranberry sauce, hot apple cider, popcorn, toast, jellybeans, and pretzel sticks? And don’t forget the return of Count Chocula, Franken Berry, Boo Berry, Yummy Mummy, and Frute Brute.

The sights, the smells, the tastes… I’m giving myself phantom hunger pains.

6. Pumpkin here, pumpkin there, pumpkin everywhere – This may make me basic as a white t-shirt, but I wholeheartedly subscribe to our pumpkin obsession that began somewhere around the turn of the century. I am not ashamed to love all things pumpkin, from bread to pancakes to candles to drinks to pies to head (the classic movie Pumpkinhead, ya dirty bird). Pumpkin is the spice of life!

It ain’t called the Great Pumpkin for nothing.

5. Autumnal fun festivities – Whether it’s a corn maze, the Renaissance Festival, a hayride, Diwali, Oktoberfest, or Halloween Horror Nights, there’s just so much to do and such nice weather to do it in.

I can finally go outside, breathe, and not sweat through my clothes in under 5 minutes.

4. The Christmas season begins – No, I’m not talking about the decorations that sneak into stores in September, I mean the traditional after Thanksgiving commencement. Most of the Xmas season lies within the Fall calendar, so I’m counting it.

Full disclosure, I would decorate for Xmas on November 1st if it were legal.

3. Autumn décor is degorgeous – Whether it’s spine-chilling Halloween decorations, the trees painting with all the colors of the wind, people plaiding it up, football flags a flying, or homes showing off their fandangled Xmas lights, every moment of the Fall is filled with stunning visual enrichments. Or, as Jane Austen would say, eye candy.

When did wreaths start invading all seasons and holidays?

2. Putting the foot to the ball – Since I can remember, which is getting harder and harder, September always meant one thing. No, not school you nerd, NFL football. The lengthy recovery from that Super Bowl hangover is finally over. And there’s also college and high school football to boot. It’s a veritable gridiron cornucopia. Or, as Jane Austen would say, a plethora of pigskin.

The only sport of Vikings, Cowboys, Patriots, 49ers, Steelers, and Lucy Van Pelt.

1. This is Halloween – The lord and master of all holidays. What’s the recipe that makes Halloween so enchanting? You start with the celebration of all things spooky: witches, skeletons, ghosts, zombies, clowns, and hippies. Mix in a generous amount of black and orange, layered with some of the best creepy melodies ever created, then fold in bags full of candy. Finally, dress up as your favorite hero, monster, celebrity, or sexy nurse and party, watch scary movies, or just hang around the cemetery corpse watching till the sun comes up.

That magical day when you can take candy from strangers.

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