Top 12 aliens

Published by siroutlier_tt2i6p on

Spoiler alert: Can’t believe I gotta preface this by saying aliens are NOT among us! I don’t care what the crackpot, alt-wrong conspiracy theory is spouting. No, they didn’t crash in Roswell, NM, no they didn’t build the pyramids, and hell no, they are not abducting hordes of our finest mentally ill citizens in the backwoods of civilization. This, along with the lie that they are secretly controlling any government, is all just a deception meant to frighten and manipulate you. So, let’s achieve escape velocity from the dumpster fire of Earthlings and soar into the top 12 fictional aliens.

12. Centauri from The Last Starfighter – Here’s an alien that looks and sounds suspiciously like our car dealing Uncle Ted. But he did create his own video game, back when that was still a big deal, so he makes the list. And of course, bow ties are cool.

Y’all shush, I’m trying to remember where I parked my spaceship.

11. Drac from Enemy Mine – The Michael Phelps of aliens, Drac takes a minute to grow on you. He’s a little too pushy with his religion and disrespectful of ours, especially those that worship the House of Mouse. But he does help remind us that beauty is only skin or scale deep.

Better stop eyeballing me, Mayonnaise!

10. Sam Francisco from Alien Nation – Mandy Patinkin plays Sam, a very human looking and polite alien who occasionally likes to get crunk on spoiled milk. I mean, you had me at Mandy Patinkin. This punny movie ham-fistedly tries to make the alien/immigrant analogy saying it doesn’t matter what country or planet you’re from, everyone appreciates a good ‘yo mamma’ joke.

You paid how much for this wedding? No wonder your species is full of rage and hate!

9. Paul from Paul – The eponymous alien from the movie that postulates what if E.T. and Alf had a baby that somehow got possessed by Seth Rogan. The message of this movie is we’re all just stereotypes, so be one that does no harm.

It’s weed or a headbutt, your choice.

8. E.T. from E.T. – Speaking of, here’s that loveable, but not as bright as we remembered, alien that looks a little too much like male genitalia. But, he’s so relatable because who hasn’t ended up supine in a drainage after a wild Halloween night out in the woods?

Imagine what else I can do with this magic finger.

7. Silver Surfer from Fantastic Four – Perhaps the raddest dude on the list, he surfs through interstellar space on an indestructible longboard, protecting innocent races. Imagine hanging ten over the Aquarius constellation. This cool, urbane cat is ridiculously powerful, yet a pacifist. That’s like being a billionaire, but not an entitled asshat.

Sometimes the dumbest sounding ideas turn out to be the most brilliant.

6. Xenomorph from Alien – Not every fictional alien is a friendly, charming, protagonist. I would argue that the Xenomorphs are the most human of the aliens on our list. Hear me out; all they want to do is eat, appropriate, and mate (with your face) to make little Xenomorphs. And I just described most of the people in Utah.

Have you tried giving it a hug?

5. Leeloo from The Fifth Element – She’s a kick-ass, multi-pass loving supreme being of the universe. Leeloo can turn from adorably naive to deadly dangerous in a sexual harassment moment. She might not be the savior we deserve, but she’s the one we need.

Normally, I’d say orange bangs are a no-no, but she somehow makes it work.

4. Mr. Spock from Star Trek – Half human, half Vulcan, this science officer represents the best of both worlds. Sure, he’s never going to be the life of the party (unless it’s during pon farr, then watch out), but he’s always going to do the right thing, even if it’s not popular. This world would be so much better if we’d all only ask the question, “What would Spock do?”

Live long and shocker.

3. Supergirl from Supergirl – Imagine an ultra powerful being who not only cares about marginalized folks but stands up for them too. That’s the essence of Supergirl. Sure, most folks claim to believe everyone is equal, but being woke or a feminist means you actually support equality for all. You know, instead of just pretending.

This is for mansplaining gender inequality.

2. Ahsoka Tano from Star Wars – Has a character, alien or otherwise, ever transformed from cringy to beloved like Ahsoka? Imagine starting off more like Jar Jar, then ending more like an amalgam of Han, Luke, and Leia. Well, that’s her journey. She is the poster child for character growth.

From zero to badass, awesome hero in just one season.
  1. Doctor Who from Doctor Who – Doesn’t matter the incarnation, (concerning the most recent regenerations) at their core, Doctor Who is the ultimate protector of humanity. That includes the good, the bad, and the selfishly human. Sometimes funny, quirky, cranky, and angry but always clever, Doctor Who is basically the parent, and we are their child. And occasionally, they take along our best, brightest, or luckiest for a ride.
Their courage, brilliance, and heart is bigger on the inside.

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