It’s early November, what is affectionately known as the holiday preseason. As we spiritlessly say goodbye to October and all its spooky delights, we must remind ourselves that November isn’t all bad. Sure, it’s the Jan Brady of the calendar, sandwiched between Halloween and Christmas, but there are things to look forward to and here’s 12 of them.

12. Guy Fawkes Day – “Remember, remember the fifth of November.” Look, I ain’t about to give you a Wikipedia history lesson here so just watch V For Vendetta. I think that’s where Guy Fawkes is a vampire ninja and Natalie Portman shaves her head in protest of Movember. I dunno, it’s been a while since I’ve seen it. I will say bonfires are cool, as long as they follow proper safety guidelines and aren’t full of Beatles records. I’m surprised the alt-right haven’t co-opted this day to serve their own insidious agenda.

11. Dia de los Muertos – Or day of the dead to us gringos. This is a great reason to extend your Halloween celebration by appropriating another culture’s holiday. So, crack open a bottle of tequila, grab some caramel flan, and party like it’s May 5th.

10. Sweater weather – Thanks to global warm… sorry, climate change, sweater weather has been officially moved back to November. So, now we can all break out those bougie cardigans (right T-Swizzle), pullovers, turtlenecks, and for you proletariats – Old Navy sweatshirts.

9. Cyber Monday – I used to say, “stop trying to make Cyber Monday happen.” But, like most sheep, I finally just threw open my wallet and joined the herd. It’s still the Liam Hemsworth to Black Friday’s Chris Hemsworth, but as that famous capitalist Celine Dion once said, “My Consumerism Will Go On.”

8. Movember – A reason to give the finger to Gillette, Philips Norelco, and George Steinbrenner while spreading awareness of men’s health issues. Apparently before the Movember movement, whenever a manly male dude went to the doctor because of prostate cancer fears, they were simply told to, “rub some dirt on it.” And when they went to a psychiatrist for depression, they were told to “walk it off.”

7. Daylight Savings Time ends – You had me at an extra hour of sleep. Matter of fact, I think we need an extra hour or three of sleep every weekend. I mean, if we can’t slow the rotation of the Earth down enough to make this happen, then we are basically still in the Stone Age.

6. Veterans Day – A day we can all say, “Thank you for your service” to a veteran. Too bad it usually ends there, instead of backing up our words by providing veterans with quality health care and mental wellbeing. But of course, that takes money and while we’re quick to give verbal gratitude, not so much for tangible support that actually does something other than making ourselves feel good.

5. Election day – Now, more than ever, it’s important to vote. Whether it’s a local election or game changing national one, your voice counts. Unless you’ve been gerrymandered, then it’s more like shouting at a tornado. The one thing that all media agrees upon is democracy is under siege. It’s only the truly educated that recognize which side is trying to turn this into the United Fascist States of America (You know who you are, winky face).

4. Thanksgiving – The bird is the word. Finally, there’s a day to celebrate food… wait, isn’t that pretty much every day in the land of buffalo wings and Budweiser? Oh, it’s celebrating food WITH a side of obnoxious relatives, got it. Think about this though, if the traditional T-Day meal is the pinnacle of gourmandizing, why only have it once a year? I mean, I damn sure wouldn’t reduce my Krispy Kreme consumption to a single calendar day.

3. Christmas music and decorations come out to play – Whether you start on the first, after Thanksgiving, or follow the Advent calendar, Christmas truly begins in November. Unless your one of those Christmas creepers like Lowes, then it starts in September.

2. Black Friday – The mother of all shopping days. I think this really became a thing in the 90s, and just snowballed. Now, thanks to online shopping and the pandemic (F-U COVID), this is going the way of the froyo. Maybe we no longer have to line up at 2 AM like we’re trying to score tickets to see U2 (or The Rolling Stones, Garth Brooks, or BTS… whatever your particular musical barometer happens to be), but there’s something to be said for the sheer exhilaration of stampeding over a small child and their Nana in order to grab the last air fryer.

1. Sports, sports, and more sports – There is no other month of the year where you have football (pro and college), baseball, basketball (pro and college), and that red-haired bastard hockey. And this year, soccer joins in too with the World Cup. And quityourbitchin about the term soccer, it came from England, so blame the Brits. November should be rechristened the sports fan’s perfect storm.