Top 12 reasons to love the Super Bowl

Published by siroutlier_tt2i6p on

For the NFL, the final game is like the Super Bowl of foot… wait, what? Let’s just call it the grandaddy of all televised team championship sporting events. This is where the gridiron meets Tinseltown in a merging of sports and entertainment not unlike professional wrestling, without all the scripting (we hope). But what’s the big, stupid deal anyway? It’s just a buncha gigantic men with even bigger wallets and egos violently colliding on a painted field of grass. You could say that if you want to be a philistine. You’ve be ignoring the poetry, art, and pageantry of not only the game, but the brilliance of the extravaganza. So, please free your mind and join me in celebrating the 12 best things about this phenomenon we call the Super Bowl.

12. Place your bets – I am going to go out on a limb and say this is the biggest wagering event of the year. From the winning team to the first player to cry during the national anthem, one can bet on almost anything. And now that the NFL, the Manning family, and Kevin Hart have embrace gambling like the altright embraces whitewashing, it’s no longer frowned upon. So go ahead and bet like you’re Kenny Rogers, unless, of course, you’re a part of the 1% addicted to gambling.

We bet a grand on our device, livin’ in a gambler’s paradise.

11. It’s like a zombie apocalypse outside – Minus the zombies, of course. Let’s say you didn’t want to watch the game for whatever personal reason. Maybe you have an aversion to good times, good food, and good friends. Not judging, you do have that choice. Well, for about five hours, as long as you’re not in close proximity to a TV, you basically have the rest of the world all to yourself. I bet there’s no lines at movie theaters, no wait at Disney World, and no worry about being run over by an aggressive cyclist on a sidewalk.

Where are all the Walking Dead and Last of Us LARPers?

10. The halftime show – What used to be a perfect time to get snacks, go potty, or put a snoring Aunt Ruthie to bed is now must-see TV. Bye bye Up with People marching bands and hello musical icons and footloose left sharks. Even if the game is a dud, there’s a high probability that the halftime show will be entertaining. You can bet on it.

Everyone is just trying to top this man… sorry, ain’t gonna happen.

9. The party – We all love slipping on our favorite jersey, then rubbernecking at all the elaborate do-it-yourself super bowl decorations. The game itself becomes almost a background noise to all the mingles and Pringles. There ain’t no party like a Super Bowl party cause a Super Bowl party has a hard stop when the game ends. Sorry, but I gotta work in the morning.

You might not have skin in the game, but there’s always pork skins.

8. You are witnessing history – Whether it’s a 34 minute power outage, nipplegate, Apple launching the Mac, or David Tyree’s helmet catch, there’s going to be at least one water cooler moment that will live on in infamy. And you can say, “I remember that. I’d just dropped a chip loaded with guacamole on my Tom Brady jersey when it happened!”

Maybe not the greatest catch of all time, but surely the most important.

7. The food – Speaking of chips, that’s merely one of the low-nutrient, high-calorie foods that make up a delicious snack stadium. But wait, there’s so much more in the form of wings, pizza, all manner of dips, grilled meats, and even a veggie tray outlier. Thank Papa Bear Halas that this event takes place in the dead of winter, and we can hide our bloat under a puffy coat.

Art never tasted so good.

6. Makes February great – Compared to the other seasons, there’s not a whole lot to get jazzed about in Winter. I can think of 12 things (winky face), and this is certainly one of them. Here’s the perfect excuse to party and eat like it’s Christmas (or Halloween or the best day of the year… Treat Yo ‘self) all over again.

There’s a reason we call the bastard Old Man Winter and not Frosty Ted Lasso.

5. The storylines – There’s usually one or two intriguing stories going into the big game that add extra spicy drama to the battle. Sometimes it’s brother against brother, player or coach vs former team, or an old school east coast vs west coast lifestyle and attitude feud. This added dimension takes a simple contest between the two best teams and ups the ante to eleven.

One storyline that gets overlooked is how Tecmo Super Bowl is the greatest game of all time.

4. It’s the end of the football season as we know it – And every other team feels fine. Once the final whistle blows, hope can spring eternal for the other 31 NFL franchises. So, if your favorite team is sitting at home on their Montauk leather sectional watching the game, I’m saying now there’s a chance… unless you’re the Browns.

The minute that confetti drops it signals a new hope for every other team… except the Browns.

3. The drinks – What elevates the Super Bowl above your routine Sunday Funday party is that it puts the cock in tailgating. So, from now on, you have my permission to call it a Cocktailgate party. Ordinary beer will simply not do here (sorry PBR); it’s go IPA, Dom Perignon, or Ranch Water or go home.

Like my Nana says, “the bigger the game, the fancier the adult beverage.”

2. The commercials – Unfortunately for the heavy drinkers, there really is no good time to go to the bathroom. For one day of the year, those banal and lackluster interrupting ads transform into sensational and heavily scrutinized commercials that demand your attention. With blockbuster budgets, these usually insipid promotions can even become art. I’d dare say a few of these commercials are better than some Academy Award nominated short films.

There’s always one or a dozen commercials that makes everyone in the room say, “They spent a gazillion dollars on that piece of cuss?”
  1. The game – Could anything else be number one? The answer is hell to the no. This is the very reason for the season. It’s the culmination of all the blood, sweat, and tears that comes from those long, arduous months of sitting on the couch eating, drinking, and cheering. Our dream is finally coming true. We made it… so let’s sit back, relax, and enjoy someone else’s hard work for a change.
It’s not a sport, it’s a religion, and this is our Christmas, Yom Kippur, Easter, and Independence Day all rolled into one.

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