Top 12 famous people who’d be BFFs with me

Published by siroutlier_tt2i6p on

Occasionally we identify with a famous person and just know in our heart of hearts that we’d be instant best buds. Maybe it comes from a Tweet or other social media message they posted, something you read about them in People magazine, or what they said on stage at a state fair that created this mystical connection that cannot be explained by science or Dr. Oz. And no, it’s not just a one-way street like with most of my romantic entanglements. I mean, sure, my mom once said I was an acquired taste, kinda like raw oysters, beer, or the show Velma, but here are 12 celebrities who would love me almost as much as I love them.

12. Pedro Pascal – Whether he’s offing uber disgusting plant-based zombies, soaring around the galaxy with the billion-dollar muppet, or getting his face crushed by the Mountain, Pedro is one of the most low key and unsung celebrities out there. Wise, patient, and kind to kids, old people, and confused alt-right MMA fighters, he just seems like someone who knows a little about a lot. What I bring to the friendship… a ton of paraphernalia for him to autograph.

Come on, he’s totally giving me a, “yes, I would love to be your friend” look.

11. Neil deGrasse Tyson – I could listen to this cat astrosplain everything, cause it seems like he knows everything. I desperately need a personal Astrophysicist who knows all about black holes, dark energy, and the science of charcuterie in my life. He could take me to the Smithsonian and get me that special pass where I could touch anything in the museum. What I bring to the friendship… billions and billions of dumb questions.

“There are no dumb questions.”
“Oh really, challenge accepted!”

10. Chelsea Peretti – If Chelsea is merely 10% of Gina Linetti, and how could she not be, that’s enough for me. The coolest person in any room, including the lobby of the ICEHOTEL in Sweden, Chelsea has that lightening wit which is like a pleasant static shock to the soul. I could see us playing badminton on a crisp Spring morning as we discussed life, liberty, and the pursuit of trivia. What I bring to the friendship… an infectious laugh that’s been described as swine fluesque.

“To accept or not accept this weirdo’s friend request… that is the question.”

9. Mark Hammill – I’ve always been more of a Han guy, but I can’t deny that Mark Hammill’s social media game is on point. Plus, he’s pretty geeky and seems fun, so I would feel comfortable tossing him my official Luke Skywalker Hasbro electronic lightsaber and challenging him to a “who’s your daddy” duel. Or asking him to say, “But I was going into Tosche Station to pick up some power converters,” in his iconic Joker voice. What I bring to the friendship… an encyclopedic knowledge of Star Wars and a pretty decent Chewbacca howl.

“Awwww, right back atcha buddy!”

8. Taylor Swift – I didn’t really appreciate Taylor until 2020. Then, she dropped Folklore and Evermore in the same year, which became the soundtrack of the pandemic. Her growth as an artist can aptly be described as Beatlesque, and this is coming from a huge Beatlemaniac. I figured we could sit around with friends playing Clue and drinking Yoohoo while listening to her vinyl albums. What I bring to the friendship… the promise of never ever asking for relationship advice.

She might not be the friend I deserve, but she’s the friend I’m entitled to.

7. Taika Waititi – When you absolutely adore everything an artist creates, that must mean something, right? And I’m not talking about simple pop songs or silly colors and lines on a canvas, I mean serious works of art like Vampiric mocumentaries, Hitler fanfiction (well, maybe nonfanfiction), and Norse god fantasy flicks. I could see us going fishing with a cooler filled with Capri Suns and just laughing and telling stories. What I bring to the friendship… the aforementioned laughing and Capri Suns.

You talkin’ to me? Well, I’m the only Taika Waititi here.

6. Barack and Michelle Obama – I’m going to cheat a little here and list both of the Obamas. Is it too much to ask that I get to break bread sticks with them in a private room at the Olive Garden just once before I die? I wouldn’t even bring up politics; we’d just talk about movies, shows, sports, and maybe get into a little behind the scenes of Area 51. I feel the need… the need to post a selfie with two of the most fascinating human beings on the flat face of the Earth. What I bring to the friendship… not to get too political here, but I am a registered voter.

I hope this doesn’t put me on some kind of watch list.

5. Jordan Peele – How is one of the funniest dudes on this pancake planet also one of the scariest? I guess it’s not a long trip from hilarious to horrifying. That’s why Jordan Peele can best be described as hysterical. One minute you’re screaming laughing, the next, well, you’re just screaming. What I bring to the friendship… a love for scary movies that can best be described as safe (winky-face).

Apologies to Keegan-Michael Key, but you just seem a little too high maintenance.

4. Sarah McLachlan – She had me at Surfacing oh so many years ago. And now, after one of the most impressive catalogs of music, she’s tied with Prince as my favorite solo musical artist. I have seen her live several times and I’m ready to take the next step; a brunch complete with blueberry waffles, egg whites, and Cap’n Crunch with Crunch Berries all while she regales me with tales of music, love, and booting and rallying. What I bring to the friendship… a healthy memorization of every single lyric she’s ever sang.

You bring the guitar and I’ll bring the crunch berries.

3. Lin-Manuel Miranda – I hate to use the term talent, but Lin-Manuel is probably the most talented person on this list. It’s like he can do no wrong and for that I am utterly and insanely jealous. But I can get passed that in order to hang out and shoot hoops, or toss the ole pigskin, or maybe even skate along a sliding heavy, polished granite stone with some brooms. What I bring to the friendship… a history degree and a love of rap music.

Question is, do I bring up Hamilton or wait for him to do it?

2. Phoebe Waller-Bridge – I know I said Lin-Manuel was the most talented person on the list, but Phoebe might have something to say about that. Everything she touches, from Crashing to Fleabag to Killing Eve is golden. She’s also in Star Wars and now Indiana Jones, which is straight up Harrison Ford (who would have made the list, but seems a wee bit too curmudgeony) country. We could go antiquing while making fun of people who go antiquing and it would’nt be weird at all. What I bring to the friendship… a passable Mrs. Doubtfire impression.

I could probably talk her into doing another season of Fleabag… just saying.
  1. Ryan Reynolds – How do you just know when you’re soul bromates with someone? It’s kind of like knowing when you’re hungry; your stomach tells you by growling, grumbling, and chuntering. That’s how it is with Ryan and I… Ryan and me… Ryan and associate. We just know, damn it. This guy plays Ryan Reynolds in most of his movies simply because there’s no fictional characters even close to being as suave, funny, and charismatic as the real persona. What I bring to the friendship… I have been called the male version of Blake Lively… by no one… ever.
“Okay, fine. Just because we’re friends, I’ll do a cameo in Deadpool 3.

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