Top 12 fictional villains

Published by siroutlier_tt2i6p on

What is it about a good villain that catches our eye and makes us so intrigued? Is it the fact that they write their morals in pencil then promptly erase them to get what they want? I mean, that’s basically your average politician, CEO, or door dasher. I think it’s the unabashedly getting what they want part that makes us all go jelly doughnuts for them.

We all have a disembodied Jiminy Cricket chirping in the back of our minds preventing us from doing whatever we want by any means necessary. So, we’re instantly fascinated with, and sometimes attracted to, someone who lacks this annoying bug and is free to psychopathically achieve their dreams. And you won’t find any pseudo villains like Harley Quinn, Loki, Johnny Lawrence, or the Terminator here; these are the unredeemable top 12 best of the worst.

12. Gaston (Beauty and the Beast) – Maybe he’s not the sharpest knife in the drawer, but he’s the most conniving. This song and dance man is short on tolerance and long on chest hair. Sure, he’s a toxic waste of masculinity, but he makes up for it with looks, popularity, and just a touch of elder abuse.

“I thought I told you the Fifty Shades of Gaston needs pictures.”

11. Megan (M3GAN) – Whereas Chucky and Annabelle are unsettlingly creepy even on their best hair days, Megan looks like the lost Olsen sister cosplaying as The Pioneer Woman. Who wouldn’t want to be friends with a refined and protective female Terminator who can beat Shakira in a dance off? Hard to say which is the better role model; the dutiful, bionic American Girl doll whose intelligence is advancing exponentially or the workaholic, neglectful aunt who blames everything on her neighbor.

Coming soon to a Build-A-Bot Workshop near you.

10. Emperor Palpatine (Star Wars) – Darth Vader was merely a whiney prawn in Chef Palpatine’s recipe for an empiric seafood salad. A revolutionary Sith who saw the Jedi for what they were: hypocritical, ineffectual, and antiquated… i.e., ripe for a hostile takeover. So, Darth Sidious shiv’ed the entire Jedi cult with an order of 66 cans of whoop-ass thus bringing stability to the galaxy. Also, tyranny, slavery, genocide, inequality, and prima nocta, but as E-Pal says, “you can’t make an omelet without breaking some Porg eggs.”

All Sheev is saying is give peace a chance 😉

9. The Joker (Batman) – The clown prince of crime and punishment, the Joker puts the laughter in slaughter. There are so many iterations to love: campy Cesar Romero, brilliantly chaotic Heath Ledger, or Joaquin Phoenix’s nihilistic societal reject. Essentially the Joker is the personification of our worst fears about the members of our population that don’t fit neatly into our nice and safe little box. He is the redheaded stepchild of humanity that we all try to ignore until he squirts acid into our blind eyes.

“Please don’t forget about me.”
Leaves Jared Leto on read.

8. Amazing Amy Dunne (Gone Girl) – Sociopathic never look so appealing. Amy is the living embodiment of “Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned” and since Nick is a bromidic jejune vanilla white bread sandwich, Ames is the true protagonist of the novel/movie. She’s more twisted than a Shyamalan flick. Maybe she’s born a psychopath, maybe it’s Maybelline.

Crazy’s in the mind of the beholder.

7. Scar (The Lion King) – The most relatable thing about Scar is once he wins, he basically just lays around all day enjoying the spoils of his victory. He has no follow up plan for after gaining power except to delegate the menial tasks of ruling to anyone else. The very definition of laissez-faire leadership, Scar rides the lazy train to success.

I think bringing two disparate societies together is gr-r-reat!

6. Hannibal Lecter (The Silence of the Lambs) – Whether it’s Anthony Hopkins’ more psychological take or Mads Mikkelsen’s more physical version, Hannibal is a cultured cannibalistic charmer. Hanni might be a bit pretentious, intrusive, and intolerant of the mediocre, but he has no fear of verbophobia. Really, just a big softie on the inside, all it took was the love for one strong woman to disarm him.

Choosing your favorite Hannibal is like choosing your favorite child… who terrifies you.

5. Agent Smith (The Matrix) – Where the hell are all the “Agent Smith was right” tee-shirts? This cyber dude gets it, humans are a virus set on destroying their host (the beautiful and majestic Mother Earth). And on top of that, we stink too. He just wants to do his job and then retire in peace, kinda like my uncle Phil, who was a roach exterminator.

“Silly humans the Matrix is for 101001100010.”

4. Erik Killmonger (The Black Panther) – Talk about sympathetic, an abandon son of Wakanda witnesses his (albeit criminal) father’s slaying, then grows up to be the ultimate independent badass with a mountain of vibranium sized grudge against his homeland. Once he’s ready, he comes at the king and does not miss. A villain whose ideology is in the right place, but whose methods are… let’s just say questionable.

In the hands of a lesser actor, Killmonger would just be despicable instead of powerfully mesmerizing.

3. Villanelle (Killing Eve) – Villanelle checks every box on the captivating villain checklist: An assassin… check, witty and compelling… check, Russian… check, terrifying yet understandable antisocial behavior… check. Think of her as a female James Bond minus the alcoholism, misogyny, and STDs. She’s a strong female character that every woman wants to be, and every man wants to be with… right up until she puts a hairpin through your eye.

She makes unstylish, uncouth, and unhinged cool again.

2. Cersei Lannister (Game of Thrones) – Cersei Lannister of the House Lannister, Kingslayer Too, the unscrupulous, Queen of the psychopaths, Tyrant of the Seven Kingdoms, Destroyer of the Great Sept of Baelor, and Mother of all villains – otherwise known as Queen Cey. Cersei just wanted the best for her inbred children and would trample anyone (husbands, brothers, daughters-in-laws, dirty shoeless priests) that got in her way.

Lived and died by the creed, “The hand that rocks the cradle is the hand that misrules the world.”
  1. Thanos (The MCU) – The Snappin’ Mad Titan truly believes he’s the hero of his own story. And is quickly becoming a hero to a growing number of malcontents. Really just a pragmatist, T-dog only wants to bring balance to the universe… by murdering half of its inhabitants. “Is that so wrong?” this OG Goonie asks. “Hold my hammer,” Thor replies (C’mon man, get your mind outta the gutter, you’re better than that).
The ultimate mass murderous Bling King.

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